Regrets in life or learning opportunities?

During the holidays, I always believe in the Christmas magic. That is why I have been watching 2 holiday movies a day. All these holiday movies have one thing in common. The girl and the guy always find love! Why is that? Hallmark puts on rose coloured glasses and makes everything so rosie and optimistic. The main characters who do not believe in love always end up finding love in these movies. 

But how about me??? I believe in love and yet I can't find it. Sigh. I don't have the balls to tell Crush Trainer that I like him. I think about calling Weedman or Youngin and the thought of them makes me cringe (not so much Weedman).

Youngin is still probably going no where in life. He is now in his 30s and still living with his mom. Just even talking to him, I want to punch myself for inviting him back into my life. He is what we call an instant regret.

Weedman, there is nothing really wrong with him. He have good conversation, on paper he is what I want in a guy. But I feel/felt that he was taking advantage of my generosity. Also, he was definitely emotionally detached. When I told him about my dad and how I felt, he wasn't consoling, just literally bypassed the whole conversation. Just thinking of that makes me cringe.

Today, Crush Trainer told me that one of this clients who has another trainer (female trainer), wants to introduce them. So, the client gave the female trainer Crush Trainer's IG. She apparently liked one of his topless pics and they are semi talking. He suggested they pretend they are going to go on a date. Crush Trainer says he is not looking to date anyone at the moment, but who knows. This can all change. I keep reminding him that he doesn't want to wake up when he's 40 and realize he has reached success, but doesn't have anyone to share it with. He then reminded me he dated someone that was 44 when he was 25.

There are two regrets in my life. One is not getting into the housing market when I worked at a real estate brokerage. I could have bought a house for $0 money down 2.89% interest for $299-$350K. Now these houses are being listed at $1.5M. The LTV ratios were a lot more relaxed and they were offering 30 year amortization. The reason why I didn't buy was because the notion that my first property was going to be in Downtown Toronto. I was actually VERY adamant that I was going to live in this great condo making bank! Back then I was making $35-40K. I don't know when I thought I was going to make bank and save up enough money to buy a place when I have been buying shit for myself on credit card since I got it.

My second regret is saying no to a guy who I thought wasn't right for me. He was funny, but superficially he was on the bigger side. Now that he lost a lot of weight he looks good and now he is with someone else. On paper he was great, I think he had a decent job, had his own place, funny, not bad looking (but I wasn't attracted to him)... In my head I was going to end up with an Asian, most likely a Korean, with a great job, who I found attractive from the jump.

I think I have learned my lesson in life. I should just get ride of my notion of what I want and just go for it. Give it a try!

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