Coming out of the woodworks!! I need better quality men in my life!

How is everyone doing? The vaccine rollout has been successful in Canada. In Ontario we are accelerating our second doses, which means things can get back to normal! They even moved up our second phase, which means we can get self care. The first thing I did when that announcement came out was I booked my eyelash appointment, pedi, and facial. Everything on my face has been suffering since the pandemic. Pre-pandemic I only got lashes done on special occasions. During the pandemic when selfcare opened I only got my lashes done (no mani/pedi). I didn't get the lashes done for anyone in particular, just for me because I had to see my face everyday.

Since things are headed in the right direction, I am ready to get back out there again! Let me fill you in about Weedman. I haven't seen Weedman since May. When we were supposed to hook up last, he hurt his back. He then cancelled again because his back wasn't better. I told him to message me when his back was better and I brought up the fact that, that would be our last hook up. He asked why and I reminded him our Covid deal. He then went on to say if I would like, we can continue after Covid. I said no because we are looking for different things. I am actually looking for a relationship, meanwhile he is not ready for one. He said he respected my decision, I then suggested we can be friends and he agreed, but after that day I have not heard back from him. I am not in need of dick, so I haven't messaged him either. The relationship with Weedman is what it is. He is a good guy, but not for me. 

Now that restrictions are starting to ease all these guys are coming out of the woodworks. 

Name change - Wall Fuck Trainer is now just Kick Boxing Trainer 
The Wall Fuck Trainer was never a guy I was going to have a relationship with or even fuck, he just had that look that makes you think he would be a good fuck. During the pandemic (more recently), he reached out to see how I was doing blah blah blah. I knew he was reaching out to tell me he was going to start training again. Here is my issue.. When we first started training it was great (I was less fit and because it was at the gym I was getting more out of it), but during those training sessions it made me realize that he may have gotten hit in the head one too many times. Then when the gyms closed due to the pandemic, I asked if he wanted to train outside and he said no because it was too cold. We live in mother fucking Canada... Put some fucking clothes on! Between his dumb comments and lack of not wanting to train because it was too cold, my attraction for him started to go down. Even if I fuck someone, I want to know he hustles, hustle dick is a good dick. I don't want a lazy dick! Anyways, he reached out to me a few weeks ago to resume our training session. I said yes once a week since I still see Crush Trainer 3 times a week. OMG! The first session, I just wanted to end... First he comes up hugging me, which is fine, but then throughout our session he kept coming in for hugs, couple of times I dodged him. I am not saying these hugs were sexual, I just do not like being touched especially when I am working out (unless you are correcting my form or helping me with an exercise). His training sessions were basic (Crush Trainer does better sessions) and the thing that got me irate was when he asked me if I brought cigarettes, I said no, why would I bring cigarettes to a work out session? And then as I was leaving, he told me to bring cigarettes for our next work out. I FUCKING HATE WHEN PPL ASK ME FOR CIGARETTES!!! It's one thing if I offer it to you.. but DON'T ASK ME ESPECIALLY when you are NOT a SMOKER! With my basic workout that he charges $50/45 minutes, plus telling me to bring my cigarettes? OMG! I was sooo annoyed! He had commented that I was punching hard, that was because I wanted him to shut the fuck up. He also mentioned that I got better and asked me if I was cheating on him.. lol.. Yeah I am, with my Crush Trainer lol. I have 10 more sessions with him.. This weekend is a long weekend AND HE FUCKING CANCELLED ON ME! I can't.. Also, he told me he kinda quit the gym.. How do you kinda quit? OMG I am so annoyed with his millennial ass! If I had known he quit the gym where we would have trained, I would have NEVER agreed to our private session. After our first session, I actually thanked my Crush Trainer for not being dumb.

Then recently I get this text.. 

I need to find better quality men in my life. This is Youngin, who is not young anymore. At 32 he is still living at his mom's house, I don't know if he has a job, I know he was doing grout work, but not sure if that was a tempt job or permanent (I know he hustled when he was working). I don't know what makes him think I would fuck him after all this time. I guess that has been our MO (go for long periods of time of not hooking up and texting out of the blue), even though we are getting older, his mind is still immature and self entitled. I don't even like talking to him, it's one thing if we just fucked and he leaves, but he doesn't!! He wants to sit around and chill and spoon after we fuck. These things are fine, I am not against it, I am just against doing it with him because I CAN'T STAND HIM! I literally hate myself after we hook up and a little piece of me dies. Before I used to go to him because I just wanted someone by me, loneliness, but as I get older I am realizing, being alone is better than dealing with entitled, self involved, immature dicks where the sex is ok. I would admit sex with Youngin is better than Weedman, but I would much rather hang and chill with Weedman.

As usual, I am optimistic that something will come by... WHY CAN'T CRUSH TRAINER JUST LIKE ME??? UGH!!!! GAWD!!!! Although if Crush Trainer is truly like me, he might be too shy to let me know!! BUT UGH!!! HE KNOWS I AM LOOKING!! GAWD, so frustrating!