Covid 19 Fuck Literally and Figuratively

So, I should have realized Weedman as just going to be a fuck boy... literally and figuratively.. Our conversation sort of just fizzled after a while, but "I thought hey we are compatible in bed, so why not just keep him around!?" This may or may not have been a good idea...  I would just message him when I wanted to hook up, which he was always in agreeance to. Eventually I thought maybe we should make this more consistent because we were hooking up every other week anyways. So, I suggested we hook up every other week and we alternate places, he said that was a good idea.

I am noticing more and more that more we meet up there is one less thing we do. Without going into too much detail, he is starting to meet up later and later AND he doesn't message me until after our scheduled time to tell me he is running late. Most recently we stopped kissing good bye, the we stopped hugging good bye. I know this is purely for sex so I shouldn't expect "relationshipy" stuff, which is completely understandable, but honestly what is the point in chilling prior to fucking? We should just go straight to fucking, why chill and hang out? When we are hanging out, we are just watching something anyways. We don't talk until the morning when we are having coffee, unless he has to go golf or is working, then he leaves right away.

To me the proper social decorum for going over to someone's house is to bring something, whether it's snacks, wine, flowers, or whatever, especially when the person's house you are going to is hosting you aka feeding you. When I was with Youngin, I didn't bring anything because as soon as I went over we just fucked, no chilling. Now that I think about it, Youngin has asked me to bring him food, at that time he was 25 years old and was in school. So every time Weedman and I hooked up at my place, I used to order food then I realized I am spending so much money on food and snacks. We never really ended up finishing the food anyways so I decided to stop ordering food. BUT shouldn't he still offer to pay, even though I wouldn't accept his money, I guess it's the same thing with the girl reaching to her purse to "offer" pay for dinner. 

The reason why I wanted to alternate places is because I didn't want to have to change my bedsheets each time (I hate changing bed sheets) and plus, I didn't want to keep spending my money to feed him. This is literally Kangta all over again, where I paid for everything every time we went out. So, last night it was time to hook up at Weedman's place. I had a bottle of wine prepared (he doesn't drink, so he only has beer, EW) to bring to his house. I was supposed to get to his house by 8pm, but he told me his dinner with his parents and brother was running late. I told him no worries to take his time with his family. For someone who has lost her father this year, and one of my good friends just lost his father, I know the importance of spending time with your family. I had no issues with him running late, until he messaged me and asked me to bring snacks. First of all, I had to take a minute to let my brain register what he was asking. I was so fucking dumbfounded, I was like WHAT THE FUCK?! and had to screen shot that to my friends. He had texted me (spelling mistakes were corrected) " I also don't have like any snack foods, if you can maybe drop by a Loblaws or Shoppers for some crackers and cold cuts? Cheese etc, I sadly have nothing" Then he sent me a second text "Also don't have much for booze, lol just two Sapporro beers". Which I already knew his alcohol selection was slim because as I mentioned he is not a drinker, but to ask me to bring it?!?! So, I did bring the snacks, the best part is I left the receipt in there and clearly he ignored it, nor did he offer to pay!

The last time we hooked up it was actually supposed to be at his place, but because his place was messy he suggested we hook up at my place. So he did the bare bare minimum of cleaning his place this time.. He couldn't go to the grocery store to pick up snacks, he lives 7 min walk to Loblaws, I just Googled it.. MIND YOU THESE SNACKS ARE FOR HIM!! Because he gets the munchies while smoking weed!!! I am ok with not snacking!!!! I thought I was in control by setting up these reoccurring dates, but it turns out I was still chasing him, something that I said I wouldn't do. I just said I was "in control" of the situation, just to make myself feel better. I also said that this "partnership" would not go past Covid because I actually want to be in a relationship. But as it's going right now, I don't know if it's worth it to wait that long. A. it's costing me too much money, B. Yes fucking him is fantastic, but at this point I feel used and I am putting in too much effort into something I know that's not going to last. Yes, people will say I am having great sex, and when we are together he is good to me and we get along so what is the point? I am doing the bare minimum and I feel like he should be doing the same, which I do feel like he's not. I have made excuses like he is busy, well... so am I. Maybe I need to organize our meeting and schedule because he is the youngest and he likes things planned for him.... BITCH WE ARE ALMOST 40, I AM NOT PLANNING A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR YOU!! 

I know I deserve better, not even to be treated like a queen, but I need to not be taken advantage of. Whether, I am going to have this conversation with him about this, I don't know, I don't know if there is a point.. But at this point, I am not going to confirm with him our next fuck session, it will be up to him because again, hooking up with him is fantastic, but not worth me chasing him. Yes, he is going through some shit and he might be shutting down; I don't want to sound crass, but that really isn't my problem, we are just fuck buddies, we are not in a relationship nor are we friends.